Grave: Fury
by Aslan and Krac
Summary: Here be large amounts of CHARACTER DEATH! Unbeta'd...our beta's jumped ship...We think the sharks got them. Buffy goes postal...cries...and learns that Willow doesn't live here anymore.


Grave: Fury  
  
  
  
Giles was right. No slayer, no magic, no power greater than unconditional love could bring me back from the edge of madness. Xander gave me that love- he loved me- even when I couldn't love myself. It was enough.or at least it would've been. But Buffy had to be the hero; she just couldn't share that spotlight.  
  
Poor Buffy the martyr. She loves pain almost as much as she loves screwing vampires. Even managing to turn my pain into yet another cross for her to bear. And now, I will spend the rest of my life endeavoring to topple that cross and watch as it crushes her bones to dust beneath my feet.  
  
In one second, in one thoughtless act she took away the only reason Willow had left to return to this miserable, godforsaken world.Cause I'm not Willow anymore.  
  
And I never will be again.  
  
Whatever was left of the girl I was died even before her sword passed through my flesh. If the mighty Slayer thought I was bad before, she has no idea what she's unleashed.  
  
Willow was a good girl, so incredibly naive. She thought that with Tara's death she had lost everything that made her human. Actually dared to believe that her heart had been buried with her lover. Dared to hope that there was nothing left on earth for her to lose. Willow thought she'd learned everything she needed to know about rage and loss.  
  
She was wrong.  
  
Now there's nothing left of her and no one left to save her-or me.  
  
The only thing that could have saved either of us lies shattered and bleeding behind me as the Slayer grovels over him. But he can't hear her pleas for redemption; he is not able to forgive her final act of betrayal.  
  
And I will never- ever forgive her for killing him.  
  
The ocean is calm and blue like a painting, and his blood is soaking into my clothes as she sobs. I stand here dry-eyed.aching in body and soul but unable to express the depth of my grief. Yet one more reason to hate her - once again turning my sorrow into another showcase for slayer angst. It's funny really, when the shit hits the fan you always believe it can't get any worse.and then it always does.  
  
My eyes are burning, and I feel like I've forgotten how to breathe and.I.I will never love again. Everything sweet; and kind; and pure is dead to me. The only thing that can live within me now is rage; and hate; and the desire to cause as much pain and suffering in the life of the murdering bitch behind me- as she has caused in mine. I will dedicate the rest of my existence to nailing her to that cross she seems so fond of. Her's may be metaphorical-but mine isn't.  
  
It all seems so easy for her- crying I mean.but it still never reaches her eyes. There is something missing inside of her- she goes through the actions of grief but her face seems lacking in genuine emotion. For me there are no tears left. You can only cry for so long before that well runs dry.unless of course your name is Buffy.  
  
Like a true masochist she thrives on pain, lives for it.Without it she would starve- she needs to be the center of everyone else's universe- that and not heaven is the place where she is truly happy. I think more of Buffy Summers stayed in the ground than even I could have ever brought back. But I will rectify that.I will teach her the true meaning of pain.I will teach her how to bleed, to ache.I will have her screaming for release- even as I destroy what little is left of her self-centered, sanctimonious, soul.  
  
"This is all your fault." Buffy hisses through her tears, "He should have let me kill you."  
  
My blood has frozen to ice within my veins -the coldness that grips me at her accusation settles me; it's the only thing that stops me from ripping every strand of her hair out one by one. It would solve the problem of having to re-dye her roots every few weeks. Slowly, I turn to face her; "Tell me slayer what do you think of your first taste of blood? Did you know that killing innocent people changes you? However are you going to live with yourself now?" I offer her a mockery of Willow's sweet smile before curling my lips back in disgust.  
  
"You did this Willow," Buffy chokes, "If it hadn't been for you."  
  
I tilt my head to the side and look thoughtful, "Well Buffy from my point of view.You know 'me' lying on the ground waiting for you to ram your sword through me.it seemed like it was you doing all the killing-not me. I was after all- 'lying' on the ground. The only reason his blood is on my hands is because I tried to heal the gaping hole you cut into his chest."  
  
"He shouldn't have interfered." Buffy moans, "It was stupid to get in the way like that.how could he be such an idiot. He never could accept what you've become."  
  
"And you're the poster girl for acceptance aren't you Slayer?" I see red; how can she have the gall to blame her crime upon its victim. My smile is cold and brittle, "Tell me Buffy, have you expanded your definition of what a Slayer is- you know.To include screwing vampires and killing innocents, that is? You seem to be practicing both of those activities lately. I guess you're right, I can't conceive of what it is to be a Slayer-I've never been into boffing the undead."  
  
Buffy stands and stares into my eyes, funny there's still little to no emotion in her's. I wonder if anyone has ever told her that the lack of emotional affect could be a sign of psychological instability. But then again she was sleeping with her Psych TA-not like she had to study. "But you're all for the killing of innocents aren't you Willow?"  
  
Hearing that name come from her lips seems like profanity-Willow doesn't live here anymore. "Like Warren or Rack were innocent-or are you defining that word now too?"  
  
"They may not have been," fresh tears bloom in the Slayer's eyes, now I can finally see some true emotion bleeding through and I have to admit her pain feels like a balm upon my own, "But Dawn was."  
  
"Dawn's dead?" I stare at her blankly; "Buffy, I didn't kill Dawn."  
  
"Yes, you did!" Buffy cries out suddenly enraged, "You dropped us into that fucking hole in the ground! You threw those swords in after us! You sent those demons to kill me! It's all because of you!"  
  
Her babbling draws my attention to the instrument she had used to kill Xander. "Swords like the ones Andrew and Jonathan took from the Magic Box." I kneel and pick up the blade not caring if my blood joins his; because in so many ways his blood already flows through my veins anyway. "Or exactly the swords they took with them. So tell me Slayer did you pull this from Dawn's body and come right on up here to give me a stern talking to?" I raise my voice slightly to match her normal tone, "'Don't play with sharp objects Willow! Someone could lose an eye or something.'"  
  
I watch the realization dawn on her emaciated face; yes, her sister's death was not my fault. There is no retribution to seek here. No wrong to put right. No evil to conquer. All that is left is the cold, hard truth. "You came up here to kill me. You didn't care if I was unarmed. Isn't that against your almighty, slayer code? Or maybe not Buff, did you know that sometimes when you get all your information from ancient, xenophobic books you lose something in the translation. Not all demons are evil. Even the odd vampire lacks the urge to kill and destroy. Sometimes all they want is to survive. But you've never taken that into consideration have you? In your world everything is black and white. You're white and everything else is black. But it's not that cut and dried, Slayer.So let me tell you, not every Saint is free of sin. For one moment I was connected to all creation and I saw everything. Xander's wasn't the first innocent blood shed by your hand. You talk about me risking my soul. Well let me welcome you to the first day of the rest of your damnation."  
  
Buffy's face becomes a mask of self-righteous fury. "Go to hell."  
  
"Fine, I'll save you a seat." Buffy's frail shield buckles beneath the weight of reality so I decide to drive my point home-right through her atrophied heart, "Tell me how does it feel to have killed the only person who has ever truly loved you? Your perfect soul mate?"  
  
Buffy pales and sways forward, "What are you talking about?"  
  
Seeing my opportunity I move and place my hands upon her head. On contact Xander's entire existence flashes through Buffy's mind. I can't help my smile when she screams while the truth crushes her. So much pain, so much agony but he was still the purest thing either of us would ever know in our lives. We pushed him down, and we pushed him away but even when driven to his knees he towered over us all-because every single thing he ever did came from the heart. Letting go of her roughly, gravity carries Buffy to the ground at my feet. "I always knew you were oblivious but I'm puzzled as to how you breathed with your head so far up your ass."  
  
On her knees Buffy crawls towards Xander's crumpled body, sobbing loudly. With shaking hands she pulls his unyielding form towards her and just looks at him. After six years she's finally taking the time to truly see him.too bad, it's too late. I almost feel sorry for her- at least when the love of my life died I wasn't the instrument of her destruction. At least Tara knew that I loved her with every breath in my body- at least we'd actually gotten the chance to be together. Buffy will never have that, not now- not ever. Because she is just as damned as I am, and that thought cheers me immensely.  
  
The blonde is rocking now, cradling his body against her chest with a gentleness I've never seen her bestow on any creature. Too bad some lessons learned come too late. "He almost had her you know."  
  
Tear-stained blue eyes meet mine. She doesn't seem to want to play- although the hate I see shining back at me is quite a surprise.Yep, she's learning. Slowly, but it does take a while for stuff to get through that peroxide haze.  
  
Finally when I continue to stare she croaks a "Who?" in my general direction as she begins to card her fingers through his hair.  
  
I grin. "Willow. You would have been proud- he almost single-handedly saved the world.again."  
  
The bitch clutches him tighter- it almost feels like sacrilege to allow it. She doesn't deserve him any more now than she did the first day they'd met.  
  
"What? You're lying. I didn't see that." Buffy gasps, swallowing painfully. "And you showed me everything."  
  
I grin as I approach, I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I let my index finger skate just above her cheek. "What would be the fun of that? His love almost saved us.but you had to play the hero. You always did find a way to rain on his parade, didn't you? You needed him to be beneath you- that was the only way you could hold onto him. The only way you could justify not loving him the way he deserved. Now, I bet you'd give just about anything to turn back time wouldn't you, slayer?"  
  
Dazed eyes swept the body in her arms then move to meet mine. "You were hitting him."  
  
"Yes, but my power was as good as gone, Buffy."  
  
"You were hitting him. I just.pushed him away."  
  
I sigh. "Yes. And the only reason why you didn't kill me then was because you dropped your sword, pushing him away. Then you settled for pummeling me into submission with your fists. but once I was on the ground.helpless and unarmed you picked it up fast enough."  
  
"I took it in both hands and raised it over my head while you just stared at me." Buffy's eyes clear a little as she looks at me. "You wanted to die, didn't you? You were going to just sit there and let me kill you."  
  
"I thought there was nothing left to live for. I was right and yet, so very wrong." I answer.  
  
"He stepped between us."  
  
"And your slayer strength sliced him open like a ripe tomato. And you didn't stop until you skewered us both. Then with his blood burning my skin I found a new reason to live."  
  
Buffy looks up, eyes still red and teary. "To kill me."  
  
I almost laugh aloud at her stupidity. "No. I have more of a long-range plan in mind for you. You want something, I take it first. You love something I take it away. You need something, I'll dangle it in front of your nose like a carrot- then I will take it away. You will own nothing I do not give you; you will know nothing I do not tell you-but at least you will never be alone again. I'll always be one step behind, waiting. I will never allow you a moment of peace. I will hound you to the edge of the earth and beyond."  
  
"Kill me."  
  
"Do you want it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you need it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you hate yourself?"  
  
The blonde lowers her head to rest against the curve of his neck, snuggling in. "God, Yes."  
  
"Buffy, do you want to die?" I question as joy courses through my veins. Exultation.I have won.  
  
"Yessss.Please."  
  
I walk to stand behind her, and grip a fistful of her dyed hair in my left hand, while my right brings the sword still clutched in it to bear against her vulnerable throat. "Are you begging me, Slayer?" I purr.  
  
"Yes. Please, Willow. I can't do this. I can't live.Xander's gone.and Dawn and Giles. There's nothing left."  
  
I throw back my head and laugh freely for the first time in what feels like forever. "No." I turn the sword away from her throat and shove her so hard she loses her purchase on Xander's body. "Do you ever listen, Slayer? You and I are going to be together forever." I growl.  
  
She drops to the ground empty arms seeking him even as she tries to right her flailing limbs. "Bring him back, Willow. I'll give you anything.just bring him back. I'll trade my life for his.Whatever you ask." I love how prettily she begs, such a pretty pet.  
  
"You think that I wouldn't if I could? That I wouldn't cut open my own wrists and bleed to get him back.I can't bring him back any more than I could save Tara. Funny, huh.I bring your skanky ass back from the dead, I heal you- saving you yet again and now here we are- bound by the only thing we ever really had in common. The fact that we both loved him, and he loved us.but at least I don't have to live for the rest of my life knowing that I destroyed the only beautiful thing left on this earth. But I will expend all of my power to make sure you do. Not so arrogant now are we slayer? It must be quite a trip to be a legend in your own mind. You really do believe you're the greatest slayer ever to have lived- don't you? I wonder though.How many Slayers have slept with a vampire? Let alone two? I bet the guys who wrote the Slayer's handbook left that chapter out. You've always been allowed to indulge your every whim because 'you're the Slayer' but when anyone else follows your sterling example they're just evil."  
  
I take a step away from her, driving our sword into the ground to give me enough leverage to break it, that accomplished I pick up both pieces and hand the hilt to the startled blonde. "Here's a souvenir of your indulgence, Slayer. I know you'll always treasure it. I would give you the point but I'm afraid you'd do something even dumber than usual- after all a slayer with a death wish and sharp, pointy objects don't mix. Besides I think this little sword's all tuckered out.Impalements are tough and three in one day must be a record."  
  
"I'll kill you." Buffy whispers in a monotone.  
  
"You'll try." I respond. "I'd lose what little respect I have left for you if you didn't. But you forget one thing Buff, I have nothing- nothing left to lose, while you've only just begun to suffer."  
  
She is wrapped around his body as I start to walk away; I can feel her eyes on me so I drop my parting salvo. "You should be proud Slayer, in the end you both accomplished what you set out to do here. He saved the world, and you killed Willow." 


End file.
